Unexpected Visitor
by Crystalkei
Summary: Simon and River get a visit from mommy. KS Post BDM, this story has been revised so it doesn't suck.


"It's gonna be fine, Ai ren," Kaylee said. "I'm a big girl, you're comin with me. How much trouble can we get inta?"

"I don't know if you have heard this, but I was once one of the most wanted men in the verse, sorry if I don't just rush out with my pregnant xin gan to pick up parts for the ship." Simon was worried, but Kaylee didn't seem to care. "Maybe you should stay here and I can go get them, a composition coil, yes?"

"You almost had me," Kaylee replied. "Till the part where you said composition coil. I need a compression coil. Let's go, Cap't and Jayne already gone, they took River, so let's go."

"Zoë!" Simon said. Y"ou should stay with her, she will be here all by herself, Kaylee maybe you can help her-"

Simon was grasping at straws. The look he was getting told him his happy go lucky girl was not so happy and his luck had run out.

"Fine, let's go," he conceded. "But, are you going to be comfortable in those shoes? How far is this yard?"

Kaylee began walking; she had completely ignored everything after 'let's go.'

It took just two hours to get the parts Kaylee needed and the supplies Simon needed for the infirmary. Thank goodness they were closer to the core. It appeared every business had been restocked recently, making it much easier to get the things they needed.

"Are you okay, Bao-bei?" Simon asked. "You need some water?"

Kaylee looked flushed and over protective Simon was making his tenth appearance of the day.

"You know I'ma have a baby, not die. I don't have some disease or nothing."

She could not take six more months of this. He was the one that had been calm when people got shot, or stabbed, or whatever. This line a work, he was calm a lot, but since doing that ruddin' test with her pee, he wouldn't let up.

"Something's the matter," Simon prodded. "Are you limping?"

"Wode tian!" Kaylee cursed. "I just wore uncomfy shoes, Simon."

"This is a mood swing," Simon explained. "It will pass, and I know you aren't really upset with me."

Now, Simon was pushing it, she may have pined, she may have waited, she may have given him her whole heart, but he was going way too far.

"I am upset!" Kaylee screeched. "But it ain't no mood swing!"

Being so upset, she hadn't noticed they had come up on Serenity, she also didn't notice the woman just in front of her reading the docking tag until she bumped right into her.

"Kaylee, be careful." Simon warned. "I'm terribly sorry ma'am. She is just a little to upset to see where she's-"

The woman turned and Simon gaped.

"Mother?"

Mal had a strange feeling bout today. Seemed like it was the wind, or maybe the humid air, but something was different. He and Jayne had picked up the goods, River waited in the mule, didn't even argue. That alone was odd. She had been a lot less crazy, since the Miranda incident, but she was still a mite nuts. When you are that off to start, he figured it took more than a little thing to get you less crazy.

On their way back to Serenity he noticed the mugginess had only gotten worse, he hated these worlds with so much water in the air. If a planet was terra-formed, why not take the water out? Not all of it, but did it have to be so wet?

"Imma get a present for Vera," Jayne startled Mal out of his thoughts.

"I'll be back in time to get offa this rock."

"You gettin your gun a present?" Mal asked. "I thought River was the crazy one."

Mal hopped off the mule and grabbed the crate. He didn't need Jayne to get it onto the ship, so he didn't mind, but really, a present for a gun? River joined him in the cargo bay.

"Something wicked this way comes," River taunted, cryptic as usual. "Simon's mad, Kaylee's mad."

"Let's hope that when Inara gets back, she isn't mad, too," Mal said. "What they mad about? They have a fight?"

He knew he wouldn't get a clear answer, but never stopped him from trying.

"Mama came to visit."

"What would Kaylee's momma be doing this far from home?" Mal questioned. "Sometimes, I wonder if you are psychic or just like messin' with our heads."

"Both," River stated. "Let's go see."

Just like that she could be clear as day. Funny how that worked, thought Mal.

"River needs to come home," Regan argued. "I will take her back to that school and you can stay here. The government doesn't care about you anymore, but I want her back."

Regan Tam had stepped into the dining area and turned up her nose while speaking with Simon. This place was so small, dirty, how could anyone live here? It must have been awful, but she couldn't see why her children wouldn't come home now. The Alliance had taken them off the wanted list; they had even dropped the charges against Simon.

"You can't send her back to that school," Simon yelled. "They hurt her, did you miss that part? I'm pretty sure I let you know, they tortured her! Besides, she is an adult now, and she won't want to leave the ship. This place is more home than your home."

He couldn't believe that his mother was here, let alone demanding that she be able to take River back to Osiris. Simon wasn't sure it was safe, even if the Alliance wasn't looking for them anymore. He and Mal had discussed the fact that could be a trap.

"You were reared in my house!" Regan exclaimed. "How could it not be home?"

Simon had no problem lashing out at his mother, but Kaylee had started to turn green.

"Hold that thought Mother," Simon told her. "Kaylee, do you feel sick? Do you need some water?"

Simon was at her side, stroking her face. Kaylee smiled, then ran to the sink of the mess.

"Oh," Simon said. "I'll get some water."

Kaylee had thrown up in the sink; Simon turned on the tap and filled a glass, handed it to her and guided her to a chair at the table. He ran back to clean the sink before he remembered his mother was in the room. Kaylee had that affect on him. If she was hurting, he wasn't rational in any way.

His mother was staring blankly at Kaylee, disgusted.

"Should you take her somewhere," Regan suggested. "So she doesn't make a mess?"

"Mother, what is wrong with you, she is just fine, without you suggesting medical care for her."

Simon could not take this right now. He had too many things going on: cleaning the sick, worrying about Kaylee, River, wait, where was River, they should be back by now.

"Zoë?" he hollered, "Why isn't Mal back yet? Should it have taken this long?"

"They'll be back in a minute," Zoë said as she came in. "Surely Doc, what's the rush? Oh, I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Regan Tam"

"I'm gonna go check the dock," Zoë told Simon. "Maybe they are here."

Zoë had to extricate herself from this situation as fast as possible. She had no idea why, but Simon and River's Momma being on the boat didn't seem like a good idea. She certainly didn't want to sit around to find out if it was a good idea.

"These people cannot be your family," Regan argued. "We are your family Simon. Come back to Osiris, I'm sure we can get you set up in Capital Hospital again. You can go back to wearing clean shirts, eating fresh food."

Regan Tam had had enough of this place, she didn't like the smell and it was starting to grate on her civilized nerves that her son was being so disrespectful to his mother.

"Mother, I, nor River is going back," Simon explained. "We are home here, this _is_ our family, and they cared for us when you did not. Can you please stop staring at my wife like she will vomit on you at any moment? I promise you, she only does it once a day."

"Simon, I'ma go lay down," Kaylee interrupted. "I'll feel better with a nap, then maybe you will have worked all this out."

"Wait one minute!" Regan screeched. "You said wife, you didn't even introduce us properly and she is your wife! Who are you? Where do you come from? Why do you not have proper clothes on?"

Regan was fuming, she didn't expect this. Not from Simon, he was so goal oriented, even in kidnapping River. She didn't think he could be distracted by some woman in greasy coveralls.

If Kaylee had been her normal self, instead of the sick pregnant self, she might have been offended. But at the moment, she only had eyes for their bed.

"Pleasure," Kaylee said "Now if it's all shiny, I'ma take that nap, I'll let Simon fill you in on the rest. Dong ma?"

"Do you need help?" Simon asked. "I can walk you."

Simon wanted to get out of that stuffy room for a moment, but the look he was getting was telling him he wasn't going to get the chance.

"You are off the hook," Kaylee whispered to him. "On account of your momma showin' up. If it were any other day, I'd stew for longer, but I'm just so tired. Don't kill the woman, you just got off that wanted list, let's keep it that way."

A kiss on the forehead and Kaylee was on her way; Simon turned and saw River come into the room with Mal on her heels.

"Mama," River said. "Did you get lost on the way to the opera?"

"River! Oh River!" Regan cried. "I have come to take you home. That school will take you back, we can get those ballet lessons started again, and you can have a great future, one that doesn't include this smelly place."

Regan was rambling because she knew Simon would interrupt. He didn't, actually another man interrupted.

"How in the 'verse did your mother find you?"

Mal was yelling to no one in particular, but he was mad. He wasn't sure why this upset him, but he knew his feelings of unease were answered and he knew this would be bad for his day.

"Gorram it, we were doin' so well." Mal ranted. "Pick-up went well, Jayne didn't piss anyone off. Why these gou pi things happen to me?"

"Sir," Regan asked. "I would appreciate if you would watch your language, River is just a child."

Regan was shocked by his vulgarity.

"River is not a child no more," Mal replied. "She knows better curses than that."

Mal was gonna get to the bottom of this problem, but first, he needed to know where Kaylee was, all this stress on his mei mei was not gonna do for her precious cargo.

"Simon, where's my xaio mei mei?" Mal asked. "She can't be worryin' her head bout this stuff, it's about her sick time anyway isn't it?"

"She went in the sink about ten minutes ago, she just went to take a nap," Simon explained. "Luckily, I said the wrong thing at some point before we found my mother and she didn't latch too tightly to the fact that my mother was here. By the way, Mother, Captain Malcolm Reynolds, Mal, this is my mother, Regan Tam. If you couldn't tell, she wants River to come home."

"Not just River, it would be nice to have you back, too, but you seem," she paused trying to find the right word, "_attached_ to this place."

"Not the ship and crew that took us in when others would have turned us in for a bounty?" Simon argued. "Not the place my wife resides, why would I have reason to be attached to this place? River, what are you doing?"

She was just walking around her mother, looking her up and down; she even stopped once or twice to smell her.

"You are real, but not the same." River seemed oblivious to the previous arguments that had gone on around her. "Mama, I won't go back to school, nice of you to visit. Want a tour on your field trip?"

"River, you need to come home," Regan pleaded. "We won't send you back to school, but come home. And please, speak more clearly; I don't understand what you are saying."

"Ha!" Mal told her. "You think that's hard to understand, you shoulda heard her before!"

Mal wasn't helping, but he had a point. Simon needed to speed up the process of getting his mother off the ship. Mal would surely be planning to leave immediately for the drop-off.

"Doc, you got till Jayne comes back to get this all sorted and your mother outta my mess. Unless of course she wants to go to New Hope, for that thought, I'll be needed payment for your passage. Otherwise, I'ma check on Kaylee."

"I'll take care of it." Simon assured Mal.

Simon wasn't enjoying this at all.

"Why is your wife so frail," Regan questioned. "Are you unable to give proper medical attention out here? You are a highly trained surgeon; you would think you could keep your wife, even if she is a bit of a trollop, from getting sick in the sink."

Regan recoiled as River slapped her in the face.

"Kaylee's jia ting." River chastised. "Play nice Mama. Simon fixed her lots of times. He takes care of her, and she takes care of us. Sides, she made me Aunt River."

Still reeling from being slapped by her own daughter Simon could tell the light was donning on his mother.

"Aunt River, her sick time, she's pregnant?" Regan whispered. "I, I, if I weren't a proper lady I would swear. Is this baby yours, Simon?"

"Of course!" Simon yelled. "Did you just come to insult us? I'm going to very politely ask you to leave."

Simon couldn't take much more of this. He didn't care why his mother was here, how she found them, or how she was getting home, she had to leave before he too, would smack his mother.

On his way to check on Kaylee, Mal bumped into Zoë.

"Zoë," Mal asked. "Since River seems to be occupied elsewhere, can you get the ship ready to go?"

"Already workin' on it, sir," She answered. "They seem to still be yelling, think she's coming with us to New Hope?"

Zoë had heard yelling since she left the room, she hoped if Mrs. Tam was coming, she didn't yell the whole time. It would be a long two days if that was the case.

"Hopin' not." Mal whispered.

Mal had a short temper as it was, and that woman wasn't gonna help it none. He slid down the ladder into Kaylee and Simon's bunk. If they were both in there, he woulda knocked, but he knew where Simon was so he figured Kaylee wouldn't mind.

"Kaylee bird?" Mal called. "You sleepin'?"

"How can anyone sleep with all that gorram noise?" Kaylee whined. "I been tryin', but ain't had no luck." She sounded groggy and Mal knew both momma situations were makin' life hard for her.

"You need some water?" Mal offered "Sumpin' to eat?"

"I need that racket to stop! I need men to stop actin' like I'ma break at any minute!"

Kaylee's patience had snapped for the second time that day. Maybe it was mood swings, but she was certain the situation warranted it.

"Ya know what? I'll be in the engine room, maybe then I can sleep." She huffed off and up the ladder.

"How ya gonna get up that ladder in a few months, maybe we should move you to the passenger quarters, you two can set up in Simon's old room."

Mal did not understand women, let along pregnant ones, but he was so worried something would happen. He still didn't think a ship like Serenity was a good place for a baby, but he needed her for the engine, and he needed Simon for the stitchin' up of his crew. Just have to live with it, make do.

Kaylee just ignored him; she was doing that a lot lately. She had wanted a baby; one that would look like Simon, maybe be as smart as River, without bein' crazy, of course. Wanted to start a family like her brothers and sisters, but how did they do it? It must be less wild on the ground than in the black.

"This is the Captain," Mal's voice boomed over the comm. "We'll be high-tailin' off this rock momentarily, all extra cargo needs to be unloaded, unless they plan on enjoying forty-eight hours of this 'smelly place' and then a little vacation on New Hope. Fifteen minutes till we leave."

Simon could tell that Mal was just as irritated with his mother's visit as he was. He had that frustrated voice on the comm.

"Mother," Simon explained. "We won't go back with you."

It was time to put a stop to this.

"Don't speak for River," Regan admonished. "If she is not a child like you say, she can make the decision herself. River dear, are you going to come home with me? We will see your father, your friends."

Regan was all business now. She had a limited amount of time or she would be stranded on this ship, if you could call it that. How did this thing stay in the air?

"Kaylee keeps the ship up," River replied to her mother's unspoken question. "She fixes me and Simon, I am home. Before you get off, you want to see where I sleep?"

"How did you know-?" Regan asked confused. "Never mind, let's see your room. Then we can collect your things and get off."

She could make this work her way, she just knew it.

"Do your ears work properly? Maybe you need them cleaned, Simon can do that! Then you can understand better." River was not getting the gist. "I'll show you my space. How 'bout it?"

River grabbed her mother's hand and dragged her off. Simon let out a breath he had been holding. How was he going to get his mother off the ship in less than ten minutes? He followed them down.

"Mother, you need to get off," Simon told her. "He's not joking about leaving. Mal will launch with you still on the ship."

"We'll be off as soon as River gathers her things."

"River has to fly the ship," River replied. "Can't go, have to stay."

"She flies the ship!" Regan hissed. "Oh, I can't take this. Simon, how did you let this happen?"

"Off we go," River sang. "Into the wild blue yonder."

River kissed her mother's cheek and ran up and out on her way to the bridge. Simon was left standing in River's room, with his mother. She was fuming.

"How could you be so irresponsible?" Regan asked. "I blame you for this, the fact she doesn't want to come home, how could she want to stay here? I am staying on this ship until I can convince her to come home with me."

Regan sat on River's bed, she looked proud, but Simon knew she was covering hurt. He was ready to surrender, but knew that wasn't an option.

"Mother, you can stay on," Simon told her. "When we get to New Hope you can find transport to go home. Maybe if you spend a little time here, you will realize this is the best place for her."

"What about you?" Regan asked." Don't you care what's best for _you_? What about your career?"

"I have had a significant change of career goals." Simon replied. "Things have changed, even without me on the Alliance's radar; I am safer, and happier, here. You rest here; I have to go check on Kaylee."

Simon's thoughts for his mother had softened, but he didn't want to sit with her too long, she might make him mad again.

"Tell me about her," Regan whispered.

Regan wanted to know all she could about the years she had missed, this wife of his seemed a good place to start.

"Kaylee?"

Now, he was mad again. He had forgotten momentarily about his mother calling her some choice names. She was upset about the idea of him being married, probably just the lack of society climbing.

"I would have never found anyone like her on Osiris." Simon explained. "Someone who loves me, Simon Tam, fugitive, instead of Dr. Simon Tam, trauma surgeon and, she loves River. Kaylee and this ship, these people are the best thing to happen to me, ever. I'll be back for you later."

Simon was all huffy, he didn't need this, why did she come now?

Walking through the halls of the ship he noticed River up on the bridge, she was having a chat about something with Mal.

"Mal, my mother will be staying on until New Hope," Simon told him. "I tried to talk her out of it, but she really believes she can get River to go home. I'll pay her passage. You have my extreme apologies."

"You don't need to pay her passage," Mal replied. "I was just hopin' she would; make a little coin off this rutting disaster. Just try to keep the yellin' down."

"Do my best. I'm going go check on Kaylee." Simon turned to head back down the stairs.

"She's in the engine room," Mal warned. "Couldn't get no sleep in your quarters, what with all the noise. Ya know, should be thinkin' bout movin' into your old passenger quarters, she can't be haulin' up that ladder in a few months, not good for her and the wee one."

Mal thought if he couldn't get to Kaylee, maybe he could convince Simon that their sleeping arrangements needed tweaking.

"You get your momma issues all worked out?" Kaylee asked. "'Cause I don't relish the thoughta bein' in the same room with a woman who hates me."

Kaylee could feel him coming before she heard him. She was sure Simon was trying to be quiet in case she was sleeping.

"How did you know I was coming?" Simon questioned.

He stood against the door frame of the engine room, Kaylee looked comfortable in the hammock.

"Could feel ya," Kaylee answered. "Maybe River's super powers are rubbin' off on me."

Kaylee was feeling rejuvenated after the nap. Thank goodness for the engine and her hum, put Kaylee right to sleep. This growing a baby thing was hard work.

"I hope you didn't take offense to my mother," Simon mentioned. "She was once a kind person, or maybe she was always like that and I just didn't know better."

Simon's anger flooded back when his mother's words entered his mind: _trollop, proper clothes, frail._

"I won't let her come to dinner, if it will bother you."

"I can handle her," Kaylee replied. "My brother warned me about mother-in-laws, but she is something else. I'm more worried about you."

"No problems here," Simon said. "I just have to figure out how to convince her that River isn't going back, and then get her off the ship."

Simon had his thinking face on. It was so cute. Kaylee could see the wheels turning in his head. Like cogs and sprockets in the engine.

"I mean, don't you want to go home?" Kaylee questioned. "Your old friends, your old job, all the pretty girls that don't have engine grease on everything they own."

Kaylee knew Simon loved her, but she always thought this day would come, when he would go home, and she would be left with nothing but an empty room and some memories. Good memories, but still.

"Kaywinnet Lee Tam!" Simon spoke sternly. "How could you think I would leave you for any of those things? Ni bu dong, you are my wife, the only person that really knows who I am, and you are having our baby. Why would I leave you? Nothing in the core is more precious than what I have here, at home, with you."

Simon was appalled that after all this time Kaylee could still be so insecure about their relationship. But here she was, in front of him, tears running down her cheeks. He reached out and held her face, wiping a tear with the pad of his thumb. He kissed her, long and tender, he tried to show her how much he loved her with that gesture.

"I'm sorry," Kaylee cried. "You are so damn poetic. I wish I had all those fancy words to say how much I love you."

"Don't worry," Simon told her. "'I love you' does the trick just fine."

He leaned in again, to kiss her, this time with a little more passion.

"So, she's here, now?" Inara asked. "Why isn't she eating with us?"

"I was going to invite her," Simon replied. "But she is sleeping."

"Takes a lot o' work to keep your nose that high in the air," Mal retorted.

Jayne laughed. River and Simon both smiled. Inara smacked Mal across the back of his head.

"What was that for?" Mal asked Inara. "You didn't meet the woman, she was awful. Kept callin' River a child, demanding she come home, and she called my ship smelly."

"You can't judge a person after five minutes," Inara stated. "Even if she did call Serenity smelly."

Inara was trying so hard not to smack him again, he could be so awful.

"Simon doesn't even like her," Mal replied. "Why I hafta be nice to her? Wait till you meet her. I'm sure you will just love each other. She might even call you a whore."

"Turn-about is fair play," River supplied. "She was mean to Kaylee."

"Still River," Inara said. "We should be polite."

Inara tried often to help River, but usually it was Mal who had more influence over the girl. Inara hated that thought.

"I can't wait to meet her," Jayne added. "I love to watch Doc squirm."

Jayne had finished shoveling his food, so he could join the conversation. Zoë smacked Jayne across the back of the head in the same fashion Inara had used with the Captain.

"What?" Jayne questioned, rubbing his head. "You women always stickin' together, it's a gou pi thing. What's Kaylee think of her mother-in-law anyway?"

"Kaylee is tired of people stickin' their nose in business it don't belong." Kaylee told Jayne.

She had been pushing her food around with chopsticks. Even though they had gotten fresh food on the planet, none of it appealed to her tonight. She was feeling queasy but knew the routine by now to know she wouldn't throw up, just be queasy. She took a drink of her water.

"It would behoove you to stop discussing my unwanted presence," Regan interrupted.

She had just entered the room and knew they had been talking about her, but she expected that. You didn't just show up in strangers lives demanding your children come home. Were they of a better breed they would know how rude that really was.

"Mama, come sit," River urged. "We have cucumbers! They aren't whole anymore, but they taste good."

River directed her mother by the hand to a chair next to Zoë. River sat on the other side of her. Everyone stared.

"I'm sorry," Inara started. "We haven't been properly introduced. I am Inara, what a lovely chance to make your acquaintance."

Inara was pulling out all the stops; she was shocked to see that this woman's nose really was in the air.

"Regan Tam, pleased to meet you," Regan replied. "What are you doing on this ship, you are so, well," Regan hesitated. "It appears to me that you don't belong here."

The whole table gawked, even when she wasn't being rude she was still giving back handed compliments.

"I belong with this crew, they are my family," Inara replied. "But if you are referring to my profession, I am a companion. That's why this is the first time we're meeting, appointments had taken all my time on the planet."

Inara was trying to make sure she was professional and elegant. She never really veered from that course, but she felt herself trying harder, she felt like someone on the ship should impress Mrs. Tam.

"Why would you come out here?" Regan asked. "So far from the core; how do you get your things, how do you eat like this? Seems like such a waste of training."

"Someone needs to bring society out here," Mal interrupted. "What with all us ruttin' criminals mucking the black up."

How could she be rude to Inara, too? Nothing wrong with her, she was respectable.

"Criminals!" Regan yelled. "It didn't even occur to me, oh, but that's what you are. Why else would you keep Simon and River? You found more fugitives to run with."

Quickly her indignation had turned to melancholy, then even quicker to fear.

"Are you going to hurt me if I don't get off at New Hope?"

"Yes," Jayne answered.

Simon glared at him.

"Mother," Simon stated. "No one is going to hurt you."

"Unless you call my ship smelly again," Kaylee said. "She's got one of the cleanest air filtration systems in the sky. I won't be takin' to that kindly, with child or not, I will smack you just like River did."

"Ya smacked your momma?" Jayne asked River. She nodded and Jayne chuckled.

"I thought he was the captain," Regan retorted. "Isn't it his ship?"

"Kaylee's the engineer," Mal told Regan. "She keeps us in the black, with air, and heat, and she gets to call it her ship for those reasons."

Mal had no problem standing up for Kaylee, but was glad to see her do it herself, too.

"Crew," Mal started. "We'll be leavin' this family to work out their if's. Inara, could I lead you to the cargo bay, got some new cargo you should see."

Mal was gonna get everyone outta that room, this lady had a way of makin' people want to hit her.

"Mal, why would I want to see the cargo?" Inara asked.

He grabbed her arm and started steering her; hopefully Zoë and Jayne would follow.

"Right, nice meeting you," Inara had finally caught up with Mal's plan.

Jayne didn't want to leave, but Zoë smacked the back of his head again, so he trailed behind the other three out the door. River got up to follow, but Jayne just pushed her back in the room.

"Your momma, you stay and then you can tell me what happened later," Jayne whispered and winked at her.

River rolled her eyes, but went back to the table.

"No need to talk," River told her mother. "Not goin' home. Simon neither. Home is here, no more to say. Nice of you to visit though."

She tuned toward the cargo bay. Jayne would want all the details, but she didn't feel like staying. It was tiring having her mother on board. Especially feeling everyone's anxiety, not just her own.

"I think that about covers it Mother," Simon said. "You can get passage when we get to New Hope and go home to Father."

Maybe she would back down, but he figured she wouldn't.

"When are you due?" Regan had turned her attention to the sleepy mechanic.

"I'm the mechanic," Kaylee answered, confused. "Weren't you listening?"

She tried to be polite, but it wasn't in her.

"She is twelve weeks along. Sorry, bao bei, she meant when is the baby due."

He tried to reply kindly, he didn't want Kaylee feeling stupid.

"Oh, yea," Kaylee explained. "I got six more months of these men fussin' over me. I dunno if I can take it much more."

"Gabriel didn't care at all, it seemed," Regan responded. "I spent most of my first trimester reminding him I was pregnant. This was with Simon of course, he remembered every minute with River. Mostly because unlike you, I had more than one time a day that I got sick. All day really."

Both Simon and Kaylee were shocked at her sudden admission. It made her seem so human.

"Thank you for reminding me who was Father's favorite," Simon sniped. "I had almost forgotten."

"Be nice," Kaylee chastised. "She's trying to be nice. Goodness, I thought you taught him manners."

Kaylee had been softened by the antidote and was genuinely interested to learn about the woman's pregnancies. No one on the ship had any reference for her. Simon had medical journals, but that wasn't the same. She'd begged the captain to land on her home planet so they could visit with _her_ Momma and learn some things, but it just hadn't been in the cards yet.

Simon couldn't believe his ears, was his wife agreeing with his mother? This was going to be bad.

Regan was thrilled to hear that she was wanted for something.

"You know Simon was the best pregnancy," Regan continued. "Especially for a first. If River had come first, there would have been no Simon, but I thought I could do it again, if it would be as easy as Simon. No sickness, no fatigue, no swelling."

"See, you were smart fore you got here," Kaylee was beaming with pride. It was thrilling to hear about Simon from someone other than himself. "Was he a good baby? I don't think Cap't will take to one that cries all the time."

"The best there was," Regan explained. "Slept through the night right out of the hospital. He did everything on a schedule, even then. Of course, children need schedules; it helps them develop into exceptional adults."

"Ah, Simon, I bet you were cute as a sprocket. Even as a baby," Kaylee was now speaking solely with his mother "So organized, he hasn't changed a bit has he?"

"I have changed plenty!" Simon interrupted. "Wo de ma!"

"Language, Simon," Regan scolded. "That has certainly changed."

Regan could not take all the cursing that came with vacationing with criminals.

"Come on, Ai ren, you are still really tidy and everything got a time and place with you. That hasn't changed. You are a mite less proper, but just a mite." She turned to his mother, "he likes to be proper out here, thinks it's more important. Showin' respect an all that. It used to bug me something yu ben de, but I know now, he is just being kind."

"Good to know manners and propriety still exist on the rim," Regan stated. "It is so very scary out here."

"It's ain't so bad when you get used to it," Kaylee explained. "Born and raised on the rim, it's not so bad. But I do dream of seein' those fancy things from the core."

Kaylee got a far off look in her eyes. Simon knew she loved the fairy tale of those things, but he knew the truth, he didn't want to ruin her notions, but now seemed like the time.

"Not as spectacular as it sounds," Simon told Kaylee. "Lots of people, who aren't real, just say things to make themselves look good. I couldn't have found anyone as wan mei as you, Kaylee."

Simon covered her hand with his. He wasn't lying; he knew there wasn't a Kaylee in the core at all.

"Well, I suppose you seem well-suited to each other," Regan noted. "I apologize for the things I said about you."

Regan had begun to see what Simon saw in this twinkle of a woman.

"Can we talk more tomorrow? I want to hear all about Simon and River, their life."

Simon was shocked to hear his mother say this, and to say it to Kaylee.

"I would like that. I can tell ya all about the adventures we had. It's been a wild ride, last coupla years." Regan yawned, and Kaylee elbowed Simon. "Simon can show you where you can sleep. It can be rough if you ain't used to it all."

"Thank you, I am rather exhausted."

After Simon had gotten his mother settled, he joined Kaylee and the others in the cargo bay.

"She's not so bad, I guess. Maybe not the mother-in-law from hell," he could hear Kaylee telling the others. "I imagine she'll get off at New Hope with no argument. It just takes a few kind words."

"I suppose I never thought of being nice," Simon stepped in. "But you are right Kaylee, that seemed to work."

"Kill her with kindness," River said then laughed. "I don't mean kill her really, stop looking at me like that. I'm only allowed to have guns when we go out."

She rolled her eyes at the strange looks.

Kaylee snuggled into Simon in their bunk.

"You know, I think we should move into my old passenger quarters. It will be better in the long run. Where will we put a baby in here? We can trade with River, and then we can use her room for a nursery."

Mal had a point about the ladder, and all the talk of crying babies with his mother had set Simon's wheels turning about a place for a baby. Getting the baby away from Mal when he wanted to be sleeping seemed like a good idea.

"You are right, it sounds like a shiny idea and I can decorate it with flowers, no, animals, I'ma do farm animals all over the room. Then…"

Kaylee had stopped talking to yawn and then Simon heard her breathing even out and her leg twitch, all signs that she was asleep. He laid back and smiled. His family really was here. No matter if his mother wanted them to go to Osiris, he knew, Kaylee, Serenity, this was his home.

Translation

Gou pi: bull shit

Jia ting: family

Xaio mei mei: baby sister

Mei mei: sister

Dong ma: understand

Wode tian: Oh God!

Bao-bei: sweetheart

Ai ren: sweetheart, precious

xin gan: darling, sweetheart

Ni bu dong: you don't understand

Wo de ma: Mother of God

Yu ben de: stupid, foolish, silly

wan mei: perfect, beautiful


End file.
